Ch-ch-ch-changes!

First I notice that his nursing style has shifted.  His little hands are moving, collecting, thinking around my breast.  His noises are content, frantic, even disjointed at times as he works to gain his nutrition.  He has a relationship to his nourishment that is deep and all encompassing.  He gains comfort and peace as he swallows his milk.

I gain patience as I multitask.  I nurse and plan the garden.  I rock and hold a meeting.  I sleep and provide comfort.  I help her, change his diaper and cook dinner in one motion.  It's not quite as hard as I thought it would be.  All of the directions pull me upwards, they straighten my spine and I gather myself for the busiest moments.

And somehow we're more unified.  Perhaps it's the new focus we feel.  Perhaps it's the accumulation of lots of hard work and conversations.  Perhaps it's the intense responsibilities that we have.  Wherever the shift has come from we watch as the connections deepen, the bridges growing stronger and our home becoming safer, richer, fuller.

I find my business face grow sterner.  I feel my compliments steeping longer.  And I note my comments becoming more genuine.  It is with thanks that I take these changes into the breadth of me.  It is with comfort that we transform.  Solidarity, Unification, Connection are all words I bring with me as I continue walking this ever adapting line.

A Smile.

At 6 weeks he smiles for the first time.  We are in an unfamiliar place, with an unfamiliar friend holding him.  He is content, and then I coo at home and bring my face closer and closer to his and I see a moment of recognition, of assurance, of, "That's my Mama!"  And a calmness washes over him, a security, and he begins wiggling and twitching with joy.  The joy writhes it's way through his body and transforms into bliss, and the corners of the mouth begin to move.  He begins his smile, his mouth opens wider and wider with emotion, with happiness; and there is my baby, expressing.

He adds in a little cooing of his own, allows his body and face to be transformed with his happiness.  And the delight that this Mama feels at a moment like this is complete.  I am so proud and thrilled and happy all at once, for watching a small being such as himself express joyful emotion is gratifying; and I am grateful.

(and apologetic there are no photographs of this beautiful sight.)