Fitting Together.

Sometimes I'll search and search.  My eyes squinted, wide open or blurry and unfocused.  I'm grasping for something that I feel unclear of.  There is a specific quest afoot and I am eager to find my footing within it.  I hope upon hope that my path will help me to stumble upon my desired view.  The object to be find, the emotion left to me.

This path can take days, weeks, months of grasping.  Then.  So suddenly in 5 minutes the path becomes clear, questions become answers and the guess work is over.  You sit there reflecting, this answer has been sitting here all along, so why oh why did it take me so long to find it?

Some leave it to faith or chance the unanswerable questions.  Some pray or manifest.  Others just wait, patiently, or otherwise.  I suppose I'm a little from column A, a little from column B.  As I find solutions to my problems I find myself just feeling thankful that I can find what I need if I just keep the search, and myself open to the possibilities that may come.

Letting Go

The thing about life with a three year old is that it constantly requires me readjusting my relationship to myself in life.  I am consistently needing to hone back my own tendencies towards control as we discuss situations in our home.  Seasoning a soup can be a battle of the greatest measure.  Folding the laundry I bit my lip.  Then there are moments which I can allow her to be just as controlling as she needs to be.  Like making a Halloween Costume.

Of course I have an idea of how I'm going to put the pieces of felt together, to best result in the friendly monster that she's requested to be.  So Gaber has fell asleep and I pull out my scraps of felt and fleece, we make a drawing, and start cutting.  I make a base, and start carefully piecing the bits I think should go together; and then Ce starts getting her creative juices going.  And she has ideas, this one.  She starts layering and adding and creating, and I pull back, hold in my plans and realize that this is one of those blessed moments in parenting when you can just sit back and say yes.

Because it's a costume!  It's creativity expressed!  This is the moment to give her the tools to let go and create! 

And that feels amazing, don't you agree?

Bottomless Love

Sometimes it occurs to me that the love that my children feel is an endless supply. They do not have a need to test the limits of the container of love that exists for them. They worry not that there will be open arms for them when they come home to us. There is almost always a snuggle in the wings; a word of encouragement to come.  It is a special feeling this security. 

It occurred to me this morning as I was reassuring Ce. We were having a conversation about independence, about how we all sometimes have different needs and it was in allowing for each individuals' needs that some of the greatest beauty in life occurred. She hopped out of our bed with a confidence to run downstairs and I called after her, "I love you!"  And off she went!

In her ability to feel safe not returning my message was a teaching moment in love, in security and in life. What gifts these children are in our lives. What a constant presence and present they are. 

With love to you and yours today. 

a list

making : fermented hot sauce!  so excited.

cooking : vegetables, vegetables, more vegetables!

drinking : lattes.

reading : http://fortydaysofdating.com/

wanting : a house cleaning fairy.

looking : to be where I am.

playing : less than my kiddos want.

wasting : time on the computer.

sowing : saving seeds for sowing next spring.

wishing : we could save more money.

enjoying : my knitting.

waiting : for fall.

liking : fermented pickles.

wondering : what the future will bring my work life.

loving : my husband, so very much.

 hoping : that i'm living with enough grace.

marvelling : at just how quickly they grow up.

needing : patience

smelling : tomatoes.

wearing : out of bed pajamas

following : gaber, more and more!

noticing : how much more stimulation Ce needs than I can give her!

knowing : that i am empowered!

thinking : about moving my body.

bookmarking : recipes.

opening : my hands.

giggling : with friends, always.

feeling : tired & content.

idea taken from Che and Fidel by way of bluebirdbaby.

These Two:

Are as sweet as can be. 

With big and little arms alike.

A smile to start your day with.  A friendship to carry with you.  A hunger and thirst so immediate, and so complete there is no patience in it's arrival.  With oddities and quirks that fill your heart with ache, as it is with every cycle of the moon that your heart is linked with their successes, and their falls.  A scraped toe, a bonked knee, an unintended roll and off your heart skips with their sweet little needs.  Oh, to be the mother of such two as these!  Pure and utter joy and exhaustion!

a very good idea

What do you wear to a bonfire as the tides going out?  How does it feel on a hot summer day to gather together on the shore?  Who do we talk to, share with, relate to?  Where do we stand, shuffle & skip?  A collection of friends, loves, family busy loving life.

memory

What I notice in the process of loss and remembering is that my memories are of happiness.  I find myself seeing them all in light, in love, in joy.  With smiles of thoughts, with a shine to their eyes, a brightness to their spirit.  The rest fades away.  The odd posture, the side-long glance in a photograph reminds me of their quirks, the way they hollered, their down moments.  However the way I see them in my minds is with enjoyment.  Enjoying the way they nurtured me, loved me, helped me and I hold them next to that place of love.

Off On Holiday...

We'll see you late next week with reports from near and far!

Happy

From all of us Hopkins, a very merry Independence day to you each.  We'll be enjoying our little spot on t he globe today and hope that you enjoy yours.

These Two:

Are so active,

So loud,

Exploring their hands,

Their faces,

And their smiles.

Growth.

Just yesterday I went out to my gardens, and just yesterday for the very first time did I think that things had really started to grow!  Maybe it has something to do with having greens I could actually imagine harvesting soon.  Realizing that once we get home from our upcoming trip I won't need to order greens anymore may have been part of it.  Seeing blossoms on our little tomatoes could have been a component.  Perhaps it was the cukes pushing up their row covers.  It could have been the strawberry that Ce harvested.  I won't know which and what factors told me so, but finally I felt like all my garden efforts have been worth something.

Not that I've been working that hard mind you.  It felt like more of a get everything in the ground to the best of my ability, giving as much help as I could and then cross my fingers kind of year.

So now I spread some mulch, I'm using scythed overgrown grass, aka hay, and hoping for the best in terms of seed heads leaving behind their daughters and sons.  I'm hoping that the thick mulch will keep the weeds down.  Experiments that could lead to much work down the road.  All I know is that weeding in and amongst everything this summer does not sound very appealing, so I'll use any help I can get.

I only had one bed that really felt like a fail.  In my 4x8' bed of carrots, only about 10 individual plants have made it...  So I've salvaged what I can and reseeded, the sunnier half with carrots, the back half with cool loving cilantro, arugula and lettuce mix.  The problem with that back bed is it's pretty much shaded until noon, which could be perfect for my cool loving greens...

So fingers crossed for a healthy and happy garden as we enter July.

These Two:

With their smiles,

And cries,

And raspberry blowing game.

 Littlest hands pulling hair,

Bigger hands loving the touch.

The Ride Home.

Oh and the journey home!  Tired and cold, friendly and fierce, drizzly and nourishing.

Every scrap of clothing pulled together to cover any bare spots.

Looking ahead to the activities ahead, dreaming of productive ways to spend the day, bowls of popcorn, a hot cocoa, even some naps.

Just pleased with the friendships to share, conversations to have and snacks to munch.

Always so pleased to be back together again in our wonderful home on Moose Island.

Marathon Day

Marathon Morning

We all got up early for the marathon this past weekend.  6am ferry to Lubec.  All with sleepy seeds still in our eyes we saw what a sunny low tide morning felt like on the water.  With boiled potatoes waiting for us to make a breakfast time treat.  We stumbled into the boathouse for tea and coffee.  Pick-up sticks and giggles.  Skunky dog and all.

Tattoos In Cobscook Bay

Aunt Cecilia arrived Friday evening.  Saturday morning the super fun present came out.  Temporary tattoos in the shape of veggies.  The Hopkins 4 plus Auntie immediately had a session of bellies & arms receiving tomatoes, carrots and the like.  Enjoy the ink.

My How We Grow...

In a year...

 

A few months...

Or even in a few years...

The time just comes and goes.  Up and down through the passage of time; with experience, meals eaten, tricks learned and lessons taught.  The passage of acquaintance to friend, fetus to child, child to Mama, I am continually amazed by this life.  So magnified as we watch our little ones shift.  So subtle as we watch ourselves.  The line graph is only going up and forward, but the change is swift and quiet in it's incline.  With excellent retrospect, hard drives and shoe boxes filled with images we look back and watch the times as they shift.  The old versions of ourselves come across in tales of old, odd nights spent making memories.  A few bits of innocence slip away, and if we're lucky enough they get replaced by wisdom.