I'm fine

As long as I don't think about talking to my mother.  As long as I don't listen to country songs about daughters.  As long as I don't picture the sparkle in her eye.  If I don't look at pictures of her.  If I don't imagine her as a grandmother.  If I don't imagine her as a mother, an environmentalist, a wife, a correspondent.  When I don't think of the family and friends that haven't been there.  When I don't pity myself.  When I don't feel.  When I escape.  When I focus.  When I hold Rafi's hand.  When Cecilia kisses me.  When I'm surrounded by friends.  When my fingernails are dirty in the soil.  If I look at the horizon.  If I breathe.  If I take my time.  Clicking 2 needles together.  Laughing.