Changing.

Something has been changing. I think it's me. It's been happening for months, and before that for years, and before that for decades. If you've ever watched a child grow you know how rapidly it can happen, but it seems that when we become adult we expect ourselves to stall out. It's all in the phrase "grown-up" like society anticipates that we'll stop growing. I've been learning that even us parents keep changing. I see it in my own parents, I mean they're Grandparents now, that's a complete identity shift, and aren't your parents people you expect never to change?

Physically we all distort from 8 year-olds to 20 year-olds to 50 year-olds to 80 year-olds; our bones get stiffer, our skin stretches, our hair adds grey, our smiles add wrinkles, we injure ourselves and our bodies have pain. These are all physical truths that we see and acknowledge, but would it not only also be true that our emotional minds change at the same rate as our physical bodies, perhaps even faster when we consider the traumas, joys and mundane events we must all constantly relate to?

I feel like I've known this truth for much of my life, I even had the motto of "growth" at one time. So why am I just remembering/realizing now? I suppose I feel like I've just awoken from 2 years of childbearing, a time where my body was selfless. It grew me past 200 pounds, it fed a child for 14 months and it stopped sleeping. The pregnancy was spent catching up our lives and home to Our Glowing Orb's plan and the first year of Cecilia's life was spent in attachment, in love, in giving, in family; time I would trade for nothing in the world. However I feel like I've awoken and am catching up to myself, digging through the extra 50 pounds to find Anne again. This is the new Anne, the mother Anne, the friend Anne, the daughter Anne, the wife Anne. I feel as though I'm an improved model now, but I've been working on the mechanics of the new model.

And here I am and I'm starting to make some sense to myself again. I'm the same creative, enthusiastic and social creature I was before, I just have greater responsibilities now. I also have more life experience which may actually make me a wiser person; I definitely have more grey hairs and stretchier skin. The best part is I feel thankful for my new body and spirit; everyone can see the tactile, but I think they can also feel the emotional shift in me.