It's daily the changes happening in my psyche. Each morning seems to be filled with question, what will today bring? What state will I be in today? Will I need to sleep or walk or talk or listen or knit today? Will I be functional or borderline today? How many baths and sultry female vocalists will I find comfort in? Who will I connect with? Who will I reach out to? Who will I avoid on the street? Who will I wish would reach out to me? How much guilt will I feel for having Cecilia watch Sesame Street? When will I feel inclined to do household chores again? What appointments and systems can I set into motion that will help me function? What can I do to take care of myself and my family? How can I take care of myself? Am I being indulgent? Is wearing a flannel nightgown until midday healthy? Is it normal to be totally and completely overwhelmed by household chores? Am I allowed to empty our house of possessions? When will I face our finances and pay some bills and put into action our budgeting system again? How many lattes will I drink? How many glasses of water will I drink? How may cookies will I eat?
These are all questions that I will find different answers to everyday. I will try and accept every single answer as my present moment. I will try not to judge myself, try not to allow others to judge me. I will try to be present. I will try to be honest. I will try to accept myself for who I am. I will try to accept my family for who they are. I will try to accept my friends for themselves and I will try to accept my community for itself.
I have strength, pride and courage as my allies today.
No comments:
Post a Comment